things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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