Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
