dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Farmville is her only friend.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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