how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize