Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
