Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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