I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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