Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
