You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
