when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We left an ass print on the piano.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
