I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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