Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I am morally bankrupt
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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