your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
