I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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