Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
