you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The uberlube is also flammable
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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