he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
