I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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