My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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