clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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