I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
