this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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