Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
