capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
