omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
