I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
