Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
