i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
