No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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