Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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