Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
