remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
