just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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