I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
