You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
