making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
