are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
