can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
