I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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