You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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