I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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