Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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