I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
