3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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