I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
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