I hate your face
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
