My first STD was from a foam party
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
