I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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