Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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