Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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