I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
