My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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