My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
