Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Randomize
