I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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