ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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