What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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