All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
