Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
