Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
