yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
