i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
